6th May 2019
Why do people hug? It’s a comfort thing for some people whilst for others it is a nightmare. People who like hugging love the experience, as to put it simply it makes them feel happier. It is has been proven that hugging release feel good chemicals in the brain such as oxytocin (sometimes nicknamed the “cuddle hormone”). Generally if something makes you feel better then then you will tend to want to do it more. People that feel this will therefore seek out hugs whenever possible.
But for other people though hugging is horrible. I did some brief online research and the common theory to why people don’t like hugging is due to their upbringing and whether they were raised in a “hugging” environment. Maybe this is true but I think there are other reasons too. A person might not like the feeling of being touch so it’s a sensory thing. Others might be germ-phobic and not want to hug others in case they catch a cold or something. Perhaps they just don’t like hugging and there does not have to be a reason for it.
I also think though that you can be a person who falls between the two and that I am one of these people. Generally I don’t like to be touched by people that I don’t know, or know very well, which to be honest is most people. However there are a few (and I mean a few) that I love to be hugged by. Top of this list is my wife whose knows the correct way to hug me. Often I spend my works days looking forward to getting a hug from her – a lot of the bad sensory input I get from the work environment can be made better by this.
I have spoken to a lot of Autistic people about hugging and a lot of them do not like it, although remember Autism is a spectrum and everyone is different so some people will love being hugged. It’s just the people I asked seemed to be in the “not” huggers group. My theory, and it is my theory, is that it’s mainly a sensory thing. Autistic people have different sensory needs to most people and the sensory aspects of hugging can be something they seek or that they are opposed to. And I am not just talking about the sense of touch. people have smells too – the thought of hugging somebody with really strong perfume or aftershave repulses me even though I might really like that person.
Also, for all the sensory issues that mean the person does not want to be hugged, they still may want hugs. Sometimes they do, but the sensory overload prevents them. For example, Temple Grandin, a well known Autistic spokesperson, requires the feeling of being hugged as the deep pressure helps her to regulate herself in terms of sensory and anxiety. However, she struggled with being touched and so after seeing cattle being calmed down by being out in a squeeze chute for inoculation, she invented her own “squeeze box” or hugging machine. This allowed her to feel the sensation of hugging in a way that worked for her. I would recommend the movie biopic “Temple Grandin” starring Clare Danes for the story behind Temples “Squeeze Machine”.
It can be tricky as a non-hugger when you find yourself in a situation with someone who freely wants to hug. Once this happened to me at work and somebody tried to hug me and I bolted. She knew I was Autistic but just forgot and we were OK about that, in fact we had a good laugh about it. But I do also know people who knowing that I am autistic and know I don’t like being hugged, but will still try to – like it’s some sort of competition to see if they can do it. Why?
Whether you like hugging or not is entirely up to you. If you are Autistic, like the pressure sensation of hugging then there are alternatives to people. We have spoken about Temple Grandin’s squeeze machine but as well as this there are squeeze vests and weighted blankets that can help you to feel deep pressure on your own. If you don’t like hugging then don’t feel scared to tell people this. You don’t have to disclosure your Autism, germ fears or any reason for it. You have the right to simply tell them you don’t want to be hugged. I think most people would respect this. Hugging is definitely a personal choice. Thanks for reading.