24th February 2019
The way my mind works can sometimes be overwhelming. I have lots of thoughts and ideas, especially in the mornings when I am fresh. This is great and I wouldn’t want to change this for the world, but it can also cause me some problems. Having so many thoughts can lead to feeling of anxiety. It goes along the lines of “that is a great idea I must do something with that. But it’s a big project, so when am I going to get the time? I have so many things on at the moment, but I really need to do that.” These thoughts can then ruminate causing stress.
Also what might happen is that I think of an idea, maybe something I want to do, be it for the website, work or ideas for a birthday present or something, and then after ten minutes, I completely forget what that idea was. This happens a lot when thinking about subjects for blogging. I might wake up and think “I could blog about that….” but by the time I am getting in the shower, all I can remember is that I had a brilliant idea for a blog but can’t remember what it was! I have a superb long term memory but sometimes my short term does not work as well. Again this can lead to frustration and a feeling of anxiety. I shouldn’t worry about the loss of an idea but for some reason my Autistic mind just goes into panic mode.
Both these scenarios are not Autistic things exclusively but I have found in the past that when they happen, I am getting many ideas and forgetting ones which I knew were good. This can lead me to shutdown sometimes. Not sure if any other Autistics experience this, but it is a factor for me.
The solution is simple though – I keep notebooks. I have been doing this for several years now and to be honest, not only does it prevent me from forgetting short term thoughts and ideas, it also allows me to plan what I need to do when I do get spare time, develop ideas further, keep track of my thoughts and feelings and finally it can be fun.
A huge percentage of my thoughts contain ideas for blogs. As a weekly blogger I need to be able to find a weekly subject that is hopefully interesting to my readers, informative and enjoyable. “An Autistic’s View” is a website about Autism awareness and acceptance, so I try to base my blog topics around that. Sometimes there is a big connection, whilst other weeks the link is more subtle. It can be really frustrating when I cannot think of a good topic to write about that appeals to my audience. This can even create worry for me.
This is where the notebook becomes my saviour. As I think about a good subject for a blog I will jot it down in my notebook. I then can have a list of several potential blogs and pick one to write about each week. Currently I have a list of about twelve, so for the next three months I should be okay. Although I should say that I think of new blogs that sometimes “jump” the lists in my notebook.
The same thing happens with videos. When I have a subject for a video I use my notebook to plan the structure of the video using diagrams, flow charts and sketches to make sure the final content is what I want it to be. Some ideas might be a single page of planning a video with an intro, middle and ending, whilst others are several pages long, with designs for graphics, shots and techniques. Looking back in my notebooks there are notes about what RGB colours were used for what part of a video, what fonts were used and much detailing.
I not only use notebooks for my website. I have extensive notes in them about other projects I have done for myself. A few years back I wanted to write a Spectrum computer game in BASIC (an early programming language of the 1980’s) – purely for fun and the achievement of doing it. The graphics where meticulously planned in my notebook along with the lines of actual code, music for the game and maps depicting the gameplay.
I also use them to draw and note more personal data such as to depict emotions I may be having. Being Autistic I can struggle to understand what I am feeling at times and doodles in my notebooks can help with this. They might not make sense to anybody else but they can help me. I know some Autistic people keep journals in a similar way and I think that writing down or drawing can be a good way to process things.
Another use for notebooks that may help Autistic people, is to use them for planning. Notebooks are a good place for “to do” lists or instructions to carry out tasks where executive functioning may let you down. For example, I have a packing list in one of my notebooks that I can use to make sure I have everything I need if I was going on holiday. I use this list and tick off the items in pencil as I pack them (pencil so it can be rubbed out allowing the list to be used again). This means that I won’t forget anything I need at a time when my brain might not working as well as it should due to the stress of going away.
Notebooks are also fun for me and I use them a lot with my special or intense interests. Regular visitors to my website know that I am passionate about Rubik cubes and twisty puzzles. My notebooks contain loads of detailed drawings on how to solve many of these types of puzzles, list of algorithms and instructions and even the odd idea for a new puzzle. I am also really into geometry and maths, so there are geometric drawings of designs, maths-art and calculations dotted throughout the pages of my notebooks. To be honest I might write down anything that interests me, no matter what it is amongst the pages.
Finally, I want to conclude by saying that one cool aspect of keeping notebooks is being able to go back and flick through the pages of them. I enjoy this, looking at past ideas that never happened or ones that did and are now “out there”. Lists I have completed, sketches I have made, projects I have worked on, completed and have now forgotten about. I am not sure why, but it is fun to do this. Nostalgic. Therefore keeping notebooks is a big part of who I am. If anything I have written sounds appealing, then give it try if you are not already doing so. You might find it both enjoyable and a big help!