10th December 2017
“Tis the season to be jolly…..” well to be more accurate for Autistic me, tis the season where I wish I could be jolly. I am sure it is probably the same for some other Autistics. Don’t get me wrong, deep down I do like Christmas, it is just that it brings such extra anxiety that it is hard not to resent it. This blog will start off with the negatives I feel at Christmas but please keep reading -there are good points too coming toward the end! So the issues with Christmas first.
Firstly, everyone is under more pressure whether they are Autistic or Neurotypical. There is so much preparation to do. Buying presents, food, attending parties etc. and this brings a barrage of extra worry. What if I can’t get the right gifts? What if the dinner is spoilt? What if something happens that spoils the big day? People just get sucked into the mania of wanting and having the perfect Christmas – it does not take a genius to see how this can cause people more problems.
Being around people that are more stressed is even more difficult for me. It’s like my social difficulties also increase. Shopping is a good example. This can be difficult in normal times with sensory issues but at Christmas when everyone is heated up, and there is more sensory overload, it is just awful. Luckily I have two coping mechanisms – go to the shops REALLY early before they even open or better still do any shopping online.
The annoying thing is that Christmas is so commercial these days that it normally starts in November – if you have problems dealing with it then you will have weeks with hardly any escape. I would find it easier if it was a two or three week of build up period. I struggle on Boxing day dealing with the emotion of it all being over so suddenly after so long a period of build up.
Secondly, the pressure of having to be “jolly” all the time. It is very difficult to feel negative at Christmas as people expect you to be happy. The unfortunate truth is that people go through some tough times during the Christmas holidays. For example, if you are suffering from depression at this time, often people (and by this I don’t mean close family and friends) just don’t see that you can be upset at this time of the year. Which leads on to my next thing.…
Social events. There are more dinners, parties and gatherings crammed into the Christmas period than any other time of the year. As an Autistic person who finds socialising difficult, the increase is obviously harder. There is also less time to recover from an event. One weekend might have a Christmas dinner one day, followed by friends over the next day etc. It is so exhausting.
The problem is often picking your battles. I want to spend time with my friends and wife but with only having so much energy, it is them that I choose to use this energy for. Then work might have a Christmas party which I am too spent to attend. When you then say you cannot go, you get a lot of pressure from work colleagues to attend. This in turn makes you feel awful because you just simply cannot do it. It’s too much.
Finally, my Autistic brain often catastrophises and my anxiety sky rockets! The biggest pressure is that I do not want to spoil Christmas for my wife and family by having a meltdown or getting sick. It is a bit of a vicious circle though, as my worrying does spoil things somewhat. The what ifs just keep coming. I do try hard to make the holidays special for those around me. Like most people, I guess, I want it to be perfect and I am an element that is unpredictable. But I have coping strategies that help.
So enough with the reasons that Christmas is troubling. Now for why Christmas is great. There are three reasons I like Christmas. The main reason is that I get more time to spend with my wife. Normally we both lead busy lives and often we get less time to see each other. The Christmas break gives us more time to enjoy each other’s company. This also goes for spending time with my parents.
We always have Christmas dinner together, the four of us and although it may not be the most culinary superb Christmas dinner, it is one of my favourite parts of the festive season. Just being with the three people who mean the most to me.
Secondly, I also have more time to spend on my own doing the things I enjoy. Normal working hours can often give me less time to deal with Autistic burnout and shutdown or simply to re-gather my energy. In order to do this I need space alone and time with my special interests. Outside the holidays this time can be difficult to find.
The extra free-time off work allows me space to breath. Also there is more opportunity to spend time outside in nature which is a big relaxer for me. I work from nine to five so in Winter there is no daylight left for walking. Okay, I walk in my dinner hour but it is just that, only an hour. In the Christmas holiday I can spend hours outside if I so wish. I have control.
Thirdly, I like buying gifts for other people. Hang on, didn’t you say you hated shopping at Christmas? Yes I do, but I love planning what gifts I can get people. I try to put a lot of thought into what gifts I am getting so that they match the people I am buying for.
I think I am quite good at this – I make it into a kind of project although there are some tricky folk to buy for. My parents for example, who are elderly and have everything they need! The feeling of completing Christmas shopping is also amazing!
There are other great things about Christmas if not more trivial. For example, I like the sensory input of Christmas decorations and lights. I love mince pies and stollen cake.
To conclude with then I think Christmas time has its ups and downs for both those who are Autistic and also those who are not. Please remember that it has its advantages and disadvantages. Things to enjoy and things to worry about. So if you are struggling with Christmas, hang on in there – it will pass. If you are not struggling with Christmas then please remember there are those that are. Whichever you are, I hope you have a happy one.