3rd February 2019
Today, I am going to be talking about to-do lists. To-do lists can be essential for people who suffer with anxiety or have poor executive function, two common things that may affect Autistic people. If you have several tasks that need to be carried out a to-do list is really helpful, as it lets you firstly remember all the tasks that you need to achieve and secondly it allows you to prioritise them into importance.
For example, you might have a to-do list with the following three things on it – walk the dog, pick up your medicine from the chemist, and buy a birthday card for your sister. Buying a birthday card for your sister is not something you do every day, so it possible that you might forget this, which if you did, could lead to bad feelings between you and your sister, or you might just feel rubbish for forgetting. However, it is on your to-do list, so you have a chance of buying her that “Best Sister Ever!” card. Buying your medicine is a top priority item, so the list helps you to make the decision to do this, if say your time was limited. This would take preference over walking the dog, which if got missed would not matter – although I am sure that the dog would strongly disagree!
So to-do lists can be positive and I use them all the time, but there is another kind of to-do list which I think can have a more negative affect on your well being if you are more susceptible to stress and anxiety. This is purely my opinion though and I am sure that some people will disagree with me. Let me explain. The to-do lists I am talking about are ones that really have a less important purpose than ones that help with the running of your life. I am talking about lists that include movies I might want to watch, books I would like to read, places I want to visit, activities I want to do, Rubik cubes I want to collect etc.
Now I want to make it clear I think that is nothing wrong with making these kind of lists – please don’t think that I am criticising you if you do make lists like these. I too make these sorts of lists, but the problem is that once I have created such a list I then being to worry about them. Say I create a list of several books I want to read, I would want to start reading them straight away to tick them off the list. I have very little time put aside for reading so it might take me months to read even one book on the list. However, every time I saw that list I would feel stressed that I am not ticking those books off. I would even start to feel panicky and it would certainly play on my mind.
Another example might be movies I want to watch. A colleague at work last year created a list of classic movies he had never seen and then proceeded to steadily work his way through the list. The purpose for him was to watch films that were deemed classics by other people. He seemed to have no problem with this and enjoyed the process. I know that I would have been totally different. Where he watched a film perhaps every other week, I would have probably tried to cram all the movies into one long weekend in order to complete that list. Again this would cause me stress, as I anxiously tried to fit movies in around my busy life, feeling upset at interruptions such as household chores, that prevented me from getting through that damn list!
So knowing that these kind of to-do lists have this affect on me, is there a solution? The obvious one is simply don’t make these kind of lists. The problem with that though is you might miss something you wanted to do or watch. I make a weekly list of TV programmes I want to watch – which again can cause me to worry – but it also means that I don’t miss that one-off documentary on “Pickling Onions”. Although if I did miss it, there is always catch-up TV now, but I could be upset if something was missed. I do this week-in, week-out, but on a busy week when there is not much time to watch these programs I can get anxious that the “to watch” list is growing out of control.
Therefore not making these lists is not an ideal solution. I think the key is to make sure that these lists are firstly not too long, if possible, and secondly, to remind yourself that the list in question is not a race, you will get through it and try to make sure you enjoy each step. I think sometimes rushing through an activity takes away some of the enjoyment. Remind yourself that nothing bad will happen if the list is incomplete and that you will complete it eventually. I know this is sometimes difficult to do, but it does become easier the more you do it. I am sure that not everyone feels the way I do about to-do lists, both good and bad but I hope this blog has been interesting and given you something to think about.