15th May 2018
This week is Mental Health Awareness week so I thought I would write something on this important topic. It is such a huge subject. Also, with the fact that I had written a few blogs about my recent mental health training, I was a little unsure what to write about. Almost every day I suffer from anxiety to some level and having experienced several episodes of depression in my life, I thought I would talk about some of the coping strategies I have used during these times and as an Autistic male now in his forties.
Firstly though, just a quick note, that these are techniques and things that have worked for me personally. They might not work for everyone, and it is important to find methods that help you or the person in your life who is mentally unwell. Also if you are suggesting a strategy to somebody that you know is suffering with say anxiety or depression, then please be careful how you approach the suggestions.
What I mean is, it can be like talking to someone with depression and saying “well have you tried being happy?” It is the last thing they need to hear – be tactful and thoughtful. I appreciate this can be difficult sometimes for those on the Autistics – I have to watch my words sometimes. For example, rather than saying “Have you tried Mindfulness?” you could try offering to do Mindfulness with them as an activity. The person can then experience Mindfulness, and then they can judge for themselves if it will be beneficial to them or not. This gives the person control which can be a rare thing in many mental illnesses. Ok, onto my coping strategies, which are used mainly for anxiety but would work also with other mental illnesses.
See your GP/Medication
Firstly, there is no shame in getting professional help through the medical services. This includes prescribed medications such as anti-depressants. I have written a blog about this previously, but I just wanted to say that medication helped take the edge of my anxiety. There is a lot of discrimination against pills (especially from the media) and also people worry about side effects, but they can really help. Talk to your GP about options suited for you.
Therapy, Counselling
I am a big believer in therapy. I have seen several throughout my life and currently see one once a month to go over what is happening in my world. Although I have had periods of weekly counselling too. Again, I know it does not work for everyone, but for me it allows me to talk about things worrying me. The relationship with a counsellor is different to anyone in your personal life, and it allows you to discuss your problems freely.
Often it can be hard to discuss your anxieties and problems with your friends and family. I am not quite sure why this is, as you would think it would be easy to communicate with those closest to you but that is not always the case. Also a professional counsellor will know the best ways to get you to open up about feelings and will help you to see things in a different perspective. As an Autistic person, this is very important to me as often I will miss things about conversations with people and events in my life. Talking them through and having things pointed out in therapy sessions can stop me worrying that I have interpreted something wrong and makes me feel different towards things. I get these changes of viewpoint often through discussion with my counsellor.
Meditation and Mindfulness
Ok, these have been buzz words in recent years but for me meditation is a key factor in life. It allows me to have some mental clarity for a short period of time and this then resets my mood and body. It can also reveal areas of tension both physical and mental that I was unaware I had. We live in such busy times and this I think contributes to poor mental health. Taking a few minutes of time out to practice mindfulness is a kind of reset switch for me. I know that some people say that it does not work for them but I would say that meditation needs a bit of practice to find the benefits. The first few days and weeks, it might feel like it making things worse but eventually this can settle down. I find it peaceful, calming and relaxing. I always try to increase meditation during extreme periods of stress.
Nature and walking
I find just walking in a wood, field or anywhere outdoors away from TV, computers, people and the chaos of modern life, totally refreshing. The fresh air and the sensory input help reduce the anxiety within me and I can use it to allow my mind to make space for a change of pace. I suppose it links closely to mindfulness, about being in the moment and so I am not worrying about what happened in the past or what might happen in the future.
Animals are a key part of this too. My wife and I have three horses and looking after them and being around them has the same effect. It is the same for more domestic animals such as dogs and cats. I read on Twitter all the time about fellow Autistics who are having meltdowns and anxiety issues and need to spend some quality cat or dog time to feel better again. If you don’t have any animals yourself you could always volunteer at an animal rescue shelter, or offer to walk somebody else’s dog etc. which would allow you to feel the company of animals and the relaxation they can bring.
Distraction
Often when I have a lot of anxiety I simply need to get my mind away from ruminating over and over the same thoughts and for this I need some sort of distraction. It might be something simple like listening to music, reading a book or watching a movie, to completing a work task, doing housework, cooking dinner or anything that takes the thought processes into another direction.
I can over think a lot of things that happen to me and go over them again and again. For example, I might have the solution to a problem and logically I could put it out of my mind, but I don’t. Even though the issue is solved I will think about it again and again and this leads to a build up of anxiety. Breaking into another task distracts me and stops this unnecessary worry from often happening. This technique does not always work with problems I have not solved, but does allow me to move my mental state into a positive one with ones that have been solved. My favourite method of distraction is watching a movie or TV show that I have seen several times. This taps into my Autistic need for repetition and the familiar. Autistic people are also lucky because of our intense interests. We can use these as a distraction and a great way to feel better all round.
Make Positive Lists
Often when life throws me difficulties, I find it difficult to not get stuck on the negative aspects of whatever is happening and completely forget about the positives. This causes anxious thoughts and makes my mood drop to one of almost fear at times. For example, if I have to make a journey to see an event (that I want to go and see), I might start worrying about the negatives of the journey. What if there is traffic? I might be ill? If a road is closed and I get lost driving there? I won’t be able to eat at a normal time? If I don’t go I might be letting others down….the list could go on.
These negative thoughts repeat in my head unhelpfully and block the positives. I have always wanted to go to this show! I love the actors. It is an Autistic friendly Performance. I will see my friends, who I don’t see often. Therefore a technique I often use it to write down the positives at least five times and keep reading and writing then throughout the day. The physical act of writing helps to fix the positives into my head better and creates a more balanced mind. I not sure if this will work for everyone but it does help me.
Alone Time
Being Autistic I find social events and work really tiring. The energy required to cope with other people can be exhausting and this is both physical and more importantly mentally draining too. I find that spending anything from a few hours to a whole day on my own can be rejuvenating and helps to eliminate mental stress.
Autistics mask who they are around other people and also do not understand the things that neurotypicals do and say. All this confusion causes anxiety. Being alone eliminates the need for masking, there is no-one to empathise about or with and there is no puzzle to work out understanding what neurotypicals mean in their actions and words. Therefore there is no anxiety or loss of energy. I would recommend alone time as a good way to reset your energy.
Sharing Time
Hang on, didn’t he just say alone time was an important coping strategy with mental illness? So is he being a hypocrite saying that sharing time, time spent with others is also a coping strategy? Well, everyone has heard the old saying “a problem shared is a problem halved”. I believe in that strongly. If there is something worrying me the simple act of sharing it with a loved one, a friend, online through social media and sometimes even to a stranger can reduces stress and anxiety.
I might not even need a solution to the problem or issue. Merely the fact that I have spoken to someone and had some feedback, right or wrong, about what I am thinking can be enough to make me feel a whole lot better. Suppose I had said something to somebody at work and I was not sure if it was the right thing to say. I would worry tremendously about that until I got home. I would then tell the story to my wife who might respond with something like “Well I would have said this, but I don’t think you have upset them” and instantly I would feel so much better. This one small act of sharing can be so beneficial to me.
Creativity
I love to build things, write, draw and create. I find that this act of creating something has a real positive effect on my mood. It might be something small like completing a Lego set, but it is enough for me to stand back and feel that I have achieved something. It seems trivial but it is a positive act – creating. I just cannot feel down or stressed whilst I am producing something and then standing back to look at what I have created. Give it a go if you are feeling down, it might also work for you. Small achievements matter.
So those were my coping mechanism for anxiety and mental illness. They might work for you, they might not. I want to finish this blog though with a final message for Mental Health Awareness Week. If you are currently mentally unwell with anxiety, depression or any other mental health condition, please remember that you are not alone. There is help out there and most importantly there are others experiencing the same thing. Please talk about things, be kind, listen and supportive. Share your feelings and together we can look after each other and start to make things better.