30th June 2019
The picture and title of this blog is what you will find in the glove box of my wife’s car. Horse treats and travel sweets. The question is why was I looking in the glove compartment of my wife’s car? The reason being is that I was a passenger in her car and being curious.
It might seem strange, but being a passenger in another person’s car is quite a big deal for me. I am a very anxious person and being in a car where I am not in control is horrific. I don’t like driving either but I much prefer it to being driven. Even short journeys can be nightmarish. I suffered very badly from motion sickness when I was younger (and still do today sometimes!) and I think that has been one factor which has contributed to my dread of being driven.
However, the key factor is the anxiety. The feeling of fear and panic as I sit in another person’s car and feel it accelerate away. Knowing that if anything goes wrong I will be helpless. A rising tightness in my chest, nausea and a lack of control of the environment I have put myself in. In fact there are only a few people that I will let drive me, mainly my wife and even then it takes some CBT techniques to get into the situation. As you can imagine this sometimes causes me problems.
So do I think this anxiety and need to be in control is linked to the fact that I am Autistic? Who knows, but probably not. There is a link to anxiety being a co-morbid condition to Autism but I think you can have the same car anxiety as me and not be on the spectrum. I have also spoken to several Autistics who have all said that being in control is a key aspect for them. I must admit it must be a control thing but like with the anxiety, I would probably have the same control requirements if I wasn’t Autistic.
The thing that crosses my mind though is should a person challenge these feelings? Should I purposely put myself into situations where somebody is driving me in a car as a passenger? My gut feeling is to instantly say “No way!” to this. However, there are situations in life where for whatever reason I might have to be driven. Imagine if I had broken down in my car and needed to be driven to a garage for example. That would be horrific – not only being a passenger but a passenger to a strange driver.
There is a thing called exposure therapy which people undertake often to get over a phobia. You force yourself into doing the thing that causes you anxiety but in a safe controlled way, a step at a time. So for me, starting off just sitting in a car as a passenger. Then a short drive, followed by longer and longer drives. Starting off with a driver I know and trust before being driven by people I trust less. Would this work?
Currently I can do it when driven by my wife and not many others. I do have to work in the car whilst I am being driven. I am having to tell myself that the anxiety I feel as the car pulls away will pass shortly. I will quickly get use to the sensation. I trust the driver and they will not speed or accelerate quickly in a way that makes me feel sick. I have to concentrate on the music or the feeling of cold air blasting out of the air vents or through an open window. Always something that makes me feel more comfortable in a car.
Sometimes I can do it no problem other times it’s more difficult. Yesterday was a great day though, I managed a trip without too much hassle although I felt tired by the end of it. The journey was even safe enough for me to rummage in the foot-well and glove compartment. Which takes me back to the start of this blog and the horse treats and the travel sweets.