28th January 2018
Spoiler alert – this will either put you off food or make you hungry….
Let’s talk about food. It is well documented across the Autistic community that many Autistics struggle with food, especially when at a younger age. It is also common to find digestive problems amongst us too. I was no different as a child and really struggled with eating. I barely ate anything and remember existing on a diet of mainly biscuits and chips. The two common staple food groups.
I suppose I did occasionally eat other things and I remember be coaxed into eating by my parents and brother. The “here comes the aeroplane” and “we had to make you laugh and then spoon it in” stories come up often. In hindsight I feel guilty and sorry for making them worry so much. But there is no blame. They didn’t know I was Autistic then and probably didn’t know what Autism was. You cannot solve a problem if you do not know what the problem is.
I know my mother has some remorse over all my issues as a child but I try to explain to her that it wasn’t her fault and if she had had more knowledge then she would have used it. The worry about my eating got to a point where I was taken to the Doctors and I remember being on some medication, that I believe was to encourage me to eat.
So what causes this? Why do some Autistics struggle with eating? Well I can only speak for myself here, and through memories of what I was like as a young child. I think it is a mix between sensory issues and strange idiosyncrasies that I have (even to this day) as an Autistic.
There are certain textures and flavours that I don’t like, so why would I want to put them in my mouth and eat them? Hang on a sec, is that not the same for Neurotypicals and everybody? We all have foods we love and foods we hate. Well yes, but I think the difference for me was I was not able to mentally process what was happening when I ate the food.
I just could not understand what eating was about in terms of processing the act of placing food in my mouth and consuming it. Let’s face it, food is an extremely sensory activity. My senses just could not handle the bombardment of flavour, texture and smell of whatever food was being fed to me. So just went into meltdown. I remember feeling panic when eating, which would lead to a full on crisis and nobody around me knew what was going on.
I guess in hindsight I could not understand whether I actually liked or disliked the food in my mouth. So panic, what do I do? Swallow, chew, spit it out. It was kind of a flight or fight response which ended with me spitting it all out. The memory was then implanted in me, which I did not want to experience again, and so at the next meal time it got harder for my family to actually get food into my mouth. This then became a habit and a vicious cycle. Looking back though I have no idea why biscuits won out as a food substance I would eat.
I also had some strange food rituals when growing up. When I did start to eat more food and food types, when I was older, there were a couple of strange practices that started to happen. Firstly, things had to be positioned correctly on the plate. I am not sure where this order came from but in my head it was essential that things were correct. For example, a Sunday roast dinner would have to have potatoes at the bottom of the plate, peas to the left of these, meat to the right, other vegetables above the peas and stuffing at two o’clock. Why would you position them any other way? I still have this habit today when serving my own food but have grown better at coping at restaurants when the order is wrong.
One particular strange (well it is not strange to me but I know a lot of neurotypicals find it so) thing is beans on toast. I love beans on toast including when I was a younger child. However, all beans HAD to be on the toast. If just one bean or bean juice touched the plate then I could not eat it. I know it is odd, but I need order in my mind and that was just chaos in every sense. As adult though I grew out of this one. Although I occasionally do it, for old times’ sake.…
Secondly, it used to be real issue with knowing what order to eat food on the plate. By that I mean do you start with the first bite being a potato, a piece of carrot, a slice of meat or peas? This did actually freak me out as a child. I did come up with a solution though which I am still proud of today. Rather then panicking about what is the first bite; make every item on the plate the first bite! I would put a piece of potato, carrot, peas and meat on my fork and put it all in at once. True this did cause a slight sensory overload in my mouth but it solved the hellish nightmare of what to eat first. After that I could carry on with my meal.
Thirdly, I seem to hold my knife and fork in the opposite hand to everyone else (although whilst I write this I am not sure if left handed people use the same hand as me?). It feels so wrong trying it the standard way. Even to this day I cannot do it. Makes me feel awkward.
Fourthly, I cannot stand leftover food. This is one that I have not grown out of and to this day it just turns my stomach. Why? I am not one hundred percent sure but I think it’s how food changes form very quickly. Skins form on sauces for example, bread dries up. I also worry about illness. To me leftover food can quickly grow bacteria which might harm me.
Even though I know that food will be ok especially if in a fridge, my mind just cannot rationalise it properly. If it has just been cooked that hopefully anything nasty will be gone but if it has been left out before then how do you know for sure it is safe? This does frustrate me sometimes as it can be difficult to cook certain foods for just one or two people. I would struggle with cooking a meal intended for say four people that would have to span two days. I have tried to get over this but it is very difficult. It is hard to eat food if you think it may cause you problems. Sigh.
Finally, the last quirk I have is that I always prefer a meal if there is a green coloured element on it. It’s not that I hate beige food but it just seems more appetising with that green element. For example, a savoury cheese pancake is a million times more appealing to be scoffed down if served with vibrant green peas. I am not sure if this is true for everybody so please feel free to comment with your thoughts. I have a theory that it might be, as chefs and restaurants always put a small green element on the plate when serving food. Be it a piece of parsley or sprig of mint it has no culinary element to the meal other than presentation. First bite is with the eye and it seems the eye likes green. Or maybe this is just in my head?
So now that I am a nearly forty year old adult, how is my diet now? Well happy to say a lot better. I love food now. Do not get me wrong I still have some of my quirks. And there are still food textures that I cannot stand such as any wet bread foods, like bread and butter pudding. That texture is just wrong. I eat fairly well though.
I am a vegetarian; I eat a high fibre diet, do not drink alcohol or coffee and consume very few fizzy drinks. On the negative side, I cannot get enough cheese, crisps and pizzas in my life but I also love vegetables. Broccoli, peas, carrots and potatoes are regularly consumed along with vegeterian products such as tofu and Quorn. Love Italian food with pesto being a clear winner. Therefore I do not think my diet is too bad but it could be better.…
With eating food come digestive issues. Again it is common for Autistics to have stomach issues such as Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). I certainly do. I suffer from IBS and also diverticular disease. I won’t go into detail on this but it is something old people get and that I got diagnosed with at the age of 21…. It does mean that I have to have a high fibre diet. I often wondered if this was because of my poor diet as a child but my gastroenterologist says it should not have been a cause when I queried it with him.
Personally I think most of my digestive problems stem from anxiety more than diet. Although I must admit I am overweight. I am about to start doing something about this as I would like to lose a stone and a half. I am not one for fad diets though and so I am just watching what I eat and trying to be a bit more active. Let’s see how it goes.
I hope that you have found this blog interesting and I would love to hear about any strange food habits or rituals you had or have. All this talk of food has made me hungry so I think I’ll go and get some beans on toast, with no beans touching the plate and a sprig of mint….