12th August 2019
One of the hardest aspects I find about being Autistic are social events that although are not mandatory, it is necessary for me to attend. This includes social events that I want to attend too. Sometimes these events can take me to places that are a sensory nightmare. Okay it would be easier for me to say I am not going because the Autistic side of me can’t cope with it, but unfortunately there are times when I need to socialise or more importantly I might want to socialise. In this instance I can normally do this so long as I prepare in advance, and allow recovery time afterwards.
For example, last week I went to a fortieth birthday dinner at a particularly noisy restaurant. This person was somebody who I had known for a long time, it was a significant birthday and I know he would have wanted me to be there (but only if I could manage it). He is a good person and I didn’t want to not let him down by not going. So what did I do to get through the event?
Firstly I made sure I was relaxed as I could be before going out. I spent the day doing energy accounting activities to ensure I had plenty of energy for the evening. This included spending time on my intense interests and doing things I enjoy as well as avoiding anything that would cause me to lose energy. For example, that day was a hot sunny day which I find sensory unbearable. Therefore I decided not to go out during the day so that the hot weather would not take anything away from me. Resting up in a positive way knowing I would have to be under a stressful environment later.
I also prepared myself to have to some degree of small talk which is unavoidable at a social event with lots of guests. Especially if there are people that you don’t normally see. I don’t agree with masking, I think that everyone, Autistic or not should be able to be themselves but at the same time it can be easier to go along with others sometimes. After all this party was somebody else’s birthday event and not mine. I don’t always understand this but I know the rules. Fortunately everyone at this party knew I was Autistic and also made some allowances for me. By small talk prep, I learned a few current sporting facts, news items etc. to use in conversation if needed.
So on the night, the room was noisy, hot and bright which are all sensory issues for me. To combat this I made sure I had plenty of breaks outside. Again, this was easy because people knew I struggle in these conditions but I can see how leaving the room for ten minutes every hour could upset less understanding people. However, I am not sure why it should?
By the end of the evening I was exhausted as expected but the last part of my plan actually involved the next day. I had no plans, did nothing, concentrated on intense interests and made sure I had time to restore the energy I had spent. This was the last stage of my plan and was executed to a tee.
I couldn’t do this all the time, and I really struggle when there is more then one event occurring in a short space of time. But please remember that all Autistic people are different. What I managed that night would be impossible for some and perhaps easier for others. We all have our own ways, techniques, plans to cope with things such a social event that will require voluntary or involuntary attendance. It is nice to share though to see what others do and to gain ideas on what can be done to help yourself in situations. The things I did to attend that night worked for me to a degree on that night but might not on others or in different situations. We are all uniquely different and beautifully awesome.